So since being on the race I have discovered I am a verbal processer. One of my teammates makes me even do this exercise to get out how I really am feeling... So here it goes...

I feel...

I feel comfort.

I feel authority.

I feel loved. (Really and truly loved) 

I feel like my heart has been broken and built back up over and over again in the past 3 months. 

I feel bittersweet.

I feel brand new.

I feel like I have won a battle.

I feel that I will never quit fighting the battle that I have won.

I feel sad.

I feel happy.

I feel that new beginnings are coming my way from my new found freedom. 

I feel confident in the fact that I DO hear GOD'S VOICE.

I feel as though I'm holding onto every moment here that I can to cherish those memories in my heart forever.

I feel at peace.

I feel like every fight, hassle or argument between my team and I has been forgotten because it doesn't really matter.

I feel like I have transformed and I truly have my wings now.

I feel like I'm graduating high school.

I feel like I went on this trip looking to be changed and I feel that that's exactly what happened. 

I feel excited about sharing my new found freedom.

I feel that I don't care what others think anymore (Which was a HUGE deal only a month ago)

I feel closer to God then I ever have been before.

I feel my calling. 

I feel like I HAVE to answer it. 

I feel like I'm sick of running away and I will now run into the arms of the Lord.

I feel like my team became my family.

I feel at peace...  I feel loved.... I feel at peace... I feel loved.

I feel like I did NOT fail.

I feel that I have run my race WELL and that God is super proud of his daughter! 

I feel that God has some pretty amazing plans for my life.

I feel that I'm being called back home to fight some major demons.

I feel pumped.

I feel loved.

I feel at peace.

So basically, this has been a huge struggle that I have gone thru the past month just trying to figure out what's going on with my heart. I feel like I need to focus on sex trafficking specifically so that God can use me to reach a generation. I want to see a generation rise up and know that they don't have to fight for love like I used to think I did...  and I want them to receive the same freedom I have received... This could look like going home and getting back to school while working with rape response, faceless, Children of the night, going to school at IHOPU, or even going on the world race human trafficking trip in January. I know God has prepared me to do amazing things to build his kingdom up. So here I am God... I'm listening... I'm following... And even though I might not know why now, you do. And if there is one thing I have learned on this trip... it's to trust YOU. I love you daddy. Let's bring down the kingdom! 

USA HERE I COME... 

Something has changed within me.

Something is NOT the same.

I'm through with playing by the rules of SOMEONE ELSE'S game.

Too late for second guessing.

Too late to go back to sleep.

It's time to trust my instincts...

Close my eyes and LEAP!!! 

It's time to try DEFYING GRAVITY! 

So this is one of my all time favorite songs from one of my favorite shows "WICKED"... But as I was on the Aer Lingus flight from the US to Dublin, Ireland I heard it... heard it again... and again... and again... I then cried through half the flight. Those words spoke to me like never before... Maybe it was because I was on a plane and actually defying gravity itself... or possibly it was that it hit a chord inside me that couldn't have been touched before. 

If you haven't seen the show it's about what happened before the wizard of Oz. It's about the relationship between Galinda the good witch and Elphaba the wicked witch in college. It's about putting aside their differences and coming together and being best friends. It's actually a beautiful story but this song is sung after the girls go see the wizard and are disappointed.... Elphaba comes into her own during this song and it's all about self discovery. It's about realizing what you thought you wanted isn't at all what you want or need...

It's EXACTLY where I am in my life right now. Before, I thought I had it all figured out and I had worked my entire life to go a certain direction and here I am... Doing the opposite of that when I almost had everything I ever thought I wanted. At first I was a little bitter towards God for calling me on this trip. It made no sense and I got a ton of weird looks for following through with it. This whole time in the back of my mind there has been a "WHY GOD WHY?!?!" question in the back of my head. I haven't meant to have this attitude but it's just happened. I've been so confused. I've been fighting the change of life plans this whole time... But for some reason, they still have happened. I think that's why they put you on a team and make you stay together 24/7. My team doesn't let me get away with ANYTHING! The fight me back when I try to fight changes... And fact is, there are more of them then there are of me. 

So anytime those voices would come into my head, they would kick them out. It hasn't been a fun or easy process at all. I think it could have been much easier if I would have just given in a lot easier. (If you're thinking about doing the race... just don't fight it) It's easier... So here I am, theatre loving, alto belting, performance oriented little southern girl in the big big world hiking, puking, not showering for days, freezing, burning up, helping others, putting everyone above myself, and abandoning everything I have ever known to be real and true back home... It's rough. 

For a while, I tried to blame it on not fitting in with my team. That was false. I was putting them all in a box and thinking they were a certain way... But fact is, they are constantly changing every day just like I am every day. I've said it before but I'll say it again... you change more in one day on the race then you do in one month back home. 

You man up and put your crap behind you pretty fast as you hold that orphan who was once on their death bed, get your hair brushed by village kids that just want to love somebody and to be loved and noticed by others, meet a woman who has lived 109 years and still gets excited over eating candy, meet a little boy that loves to run as hard and fast as he can into your arms because he doesn't have a mother. 

You change really fast. You forget things that once were important to you... and you move forward... Which it's honestly scary to fully let go because there is always this little voice in your head that says, "But what about when you get home?" Fact is, that voice can officially kiss my ass... i'm fighting fire with fire. It's nothing but the demons of fear and rejection. So I plan on scaring off the fear and rejecting the rejection from now on! TAKE THAT VOICES! 

I honestly don't care anymore about what others think. It's been a hard road but here I am! I can FINELY hear God's voice loud and clear! I finely realize it's more then about the race... It's about God. I am signing my life over to this mentality and lifestyle no matter where I end up. 

Right now, things are a bit weird since I'm out of ministry and support raising this month. If my account doesn't get up to $8,000 by the end of this month then I'm going to be sent back home. It's a weird feeling being alone in an office and reflecting on everything you have learned in the past 3 months. Fact is I haven't been alone in 3 months... So this is super strange for me right now. But no amount of fear about my support account or money is going to stop me from my new purpose! I finely hear the calling for my life and I'm not letting go of it! And it has nothing to do with acting, a single church, or the world race. It has no time limits... I'm not restricting God to a box anymore. 

So for now, I think I'll try defying gravity.

Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity.

And you won't bring me down...

(This is the part where I belt it out and learn to truly fly) 

Oh yeah, it feels good to just let go and let God. I'm finely jumping in without any limits!

 I'm defying gravity! 

Please continue to keep my support account in your prayers. You can donate by clicking on the "support me" button on the left hand side. 

So something about me that some of you who might not know me in person should know about me is I LOVE MUSIC! I love making music, I love listening to music, I love writing music and I love being around it at all times. I feel like life should be lived along with a soundtrack! So as I travel the world I would like to give you a playlist of things I have been rocking out to the past three months on the race (Just in case you're curious) I would also like to see if it's the same thing you guys are jamming to back at home.... I also believe that a song can take you back in time and I know when I hear these songs I will always go back to this season in my life... 

So month one, we spent in Haiti... They LOVE some Celine Dion in Haiti. I don't get it personally but to each their own... Everyone also knows the "we are the world" song and they sing it ALL the time (Which is pretty cool because the remake was for them and when you get to sing it there it makes the song mean so much more!) So yeah, celine dion and we are the world was what I got to jam out to in Haiti. 

In the DR, there is MUSIC EVERYWHERE! Bars and clubs are everywhere you turn and sometimes people just have huge speakers outside their houses blasting music as they just chill... And when I say blasting... I mean BLASTING. Music is a huge deal there but I also heard a lot of the "Americano Visa" song. Basically the words say I want an american girlfriend to get a visa. Men sung it to every girl they saw on my squad daily so music that month was a bit irritating at times. Also I totally jammed out to Ricky Martin, Inrequie, and some Jeremy. Hahaha... It was a good month...

And now this month after being in civilization it's been nice. While I was in Ireland I went out to a club one night with some people on my squad and we got to dance all night to actual music you could understand the lyrics to. I'm becoming a bit of a techno fan... Lol... I think Europe has that effect on people though... And now that we're in the Czech we still get the same vibe... 

But anyway, I just wanted to give you a list of some songs that have deff made an impact on my trip so far so check them out! Maybe even make a "Britt's world race playlist" for your ipod.... 

The titanic song- Celine Dion (I haven't heard it in years and now I hear it all the time) 

A whole new world- Aladin (Because we sing it all the time... it's actually Lucas' specialty but we sing it while we work, play, and just relax)

Mighty to save (Spanish Version) - Hillsong... (Because when you hear it you realize how small the world is and how we might speak different languages but we serve the same God) 

One Love- David Guetta (Shout out to Nicholi in Haiti) 

That's the way it is- Celine Dion (this also has some major significance with P-squad's training camp and Jonathan Moore) 

waka Waka- Shakira (This song means A LOT to world racers because the lyrics are crazy insane and pick us up ESP WHEN WE THINK OF AFRICA!!! I first heard this song in Haiti and a villiage kid's house and this girl did the dance and we all freaked out! Since then, I have learned the dance myself and constantly rock it out even more then the single ladies dance!) 

I like it- Enrique Iglesias (Because it actually is the first song from him that I really have liked... And I have many memories dancing to it in the street because when it was played I actually knew what they were saying!)

Ringa Ringa - Alka Yagnik (Just because it's amazing and deff makes you feel like you're not in America anymore) 

The chicken dance- We literally did this in a ladies house in the DR! 

Jai Ho!!!- The slumdog version (AHHH It just brings me joy... Esp when I do the dance to it

We no speak Americano - Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP  (Because I totally have heard that song at every club, bus ride, and everything in the past few days... And it happens to be the story of my life...)

Airplanes- BOB (Because I do just that on a reg basis) 

Not afriad - Eminem 

The only exception- Paramore (Because my squad mate played it every day in the DR because she was learning how to play guitar with that song) 

If I die young- The band perry (Because it was one of the last songs I heard right before leaving the US... And me and some of the girls sung it going into Dublin and we just almost cried because that's how we feel on the race) 

My big green tracktor - (We southerners sing it and represent where we are from)

Best day- Taylor Swift (Because I got to sing it to my family at my last show before leaving and Aubrie loves for me to play it and sing it to her so it's been sung a lot these past few months) 

Intamacy - Jonathan David Helser (The awakening... Need I say more???) 

ANYTHING REGINA SPEKTOR (We blast it all the time in every country for different reasons but it's just good music for any moment) 

Just wanted to share some music with you all....

Britt

So after a bus, a plane, another bus, walking, another bus, a subway, another bus, a taxi, another subway, another bus and yet another last bus, TEAM HINDS FEET HAS MADE IT TO THE CZECH REPUBLIC!!! 

It was a pretty fun adventure since the world race flew us all to Hungary where we then dispersed into our teams to go to 3 different countries! Our team leaders had to figure out how to get us to our countries... So in the last 24 hours, I have been in 4 different countries! Ireland, Hungary,  Slovakia, and Czech Republic!!! I keep telling myself each month that it can't possibly ever get better then it is at that moment, but I'm always wrong. Czech is the most beautiful cute place I have ever seen! It's so amazing! The buildings are all so old and it looks like a village from a Disney film. The people are perfectly unique and look like they were hand crafted from a piece of wood to fit into the doll house village. IT'S BEAUTIFUL! 

Some things that are different about this month right now are that I am pulled from ministry. =( This means my ministry will be on support raising this month so I don't get sent home. I still lack $4000. But I know to God, that's nothing. I feel amazing this month! I feel like I have just defeated my own giant... I feel like the girl version of David! (We talked a lot about David this past week at the awakening and also about cutting our giants head off with his own sword like David did to Goliath!) Another thing that is different this month is we aren't living with our boys. It feels VERY strange at this moment and it's only been like this for an hour or so. The ministry my team is working with is called "teen challenge" and they will be working with an organization that takes men in who have addictions and are in rehab. Our boys will be living on site with the other men and us girls got our own crib! We spent the past couple hours cleaning it up. It's a super small little flat (as in it can hold one tiny couch bed and the kitchen is the same room as the bed room. But I have an exciting feeling about it! Yay for girl bonding time!!! 

Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know that we made it safe and everything is okay! =) 

Now we're off to find a grocery store to get dinner, breakfast, and tackle the bathroom... Please pray for us!!! AHHH!!! 

=)

So here I am in Dublin, Ireland....

YES! I said IRELAND! 

How crazy is that!?!? 

Sometimes I don't think it's truly hit me that I have even left home. This whole thing feels like a dream and it passes by FAST! This week I have gotten to meet so many people who I have read their blogs, watched their videos, cried and just felt like I have known them for months... It was nice to actually meet them! 

I learned so much this past week. God is doing some major rearranging in my heart (Even in the things I didn't know existed... I can feel him full force now)

I have realized that this race is really nothing in the big picture. I realized a very scary thing this week... not only was I called to this race, I was called into the ministry so no matter how long I stay here, as soon as I leave... I'm not going to stop.

I have been forever changed...

There is no turning back...

This isn't just a mission trip...

I now know things about this world and I can't go on with fighting for justice and the kingdom...

I'm in this thing for life baby...

Deep breath...

Here we go....

=)

So  here I am,

Sitting in the most amazing and beautiful country I have ever seen...

Surrounded by so many alumni, staff, and current racers on the field to build each other up, inspire each other, worship together, and just tell each other everything is going to be okay.

It feels so weird! When I look around me I see so many familiar faces because I have watched so many WR videos and read so many blogs and now... I'm getting to pray with, for, and alongside the SAME people I once wished I could be like! How cool is that right? God is pretty awesome isn't he?

Something that I have been dealing with that is finely coming to the surface full force is God's love and how to receive it. Also how to love others like he loves me. I thought I was doing that but this week it's been blown up in my face that I haven't been loving at all. Because in order to truly love, you have to TRUST. And that my friends is very hard for me to do.

Trusting God has been a crazy journey and just the other day a racer was asking me has God ever let you down? How can you not trust him?!?! But my response was just honest in saying that I have never relied on him for anything so I have no idea if he would pull through for me! I know that seems insane but it's true! 

But fact is, I'm working on it! I know god has some major plans for my life and I have to trust that! 

Here is the fact....

If I don't raise another $6,000 by the end of this month... I WILL BE SENT HOME.

It's be a process but I can honestly say that I FULLY trust God in this matter now. It's been a hard journey full of tears, bruises, shaking, jumping, screaming, laughing, and praying... Oh and that's only been in the past 24 hours. 

The awakening has been the most amazing experience of my life...I'm not sleeping, I don't care if I eat a lot... I just want to WORSHIP MY GOD! 

I spent last night jumping in freedom for about an hour! Screaming, shaking my dreads, crying, seeing my life flash before my eyes and remembering times when I thought God had left me....

Fact is, he never did. He was always there... When I didn't feel God, those were the times I was pushing him away. So It's my own fault. 

But luckily, we serve a God of grace an mercy... And I've finely learned how to survive and be loved. 

I don't know what my journey holds... All I know is from now on, I am choosing to listen to God's voice first and not push him away but embrace him as tightly as I can! 

Lots of Love from Ireland!

Britt

So,

My bags are packed and I'm ready to go!!!

In a matter of hours I will be taking a bus ride to the airport and then flying into the US for the day before catching my flight to Ireland tomorrow night! WOOHOO! 

I can't believe this month is already over! 

But I'm SOOO pumped for the AWAKENING!!!

SO HERE WE GO!!!

300 world racers camping out in a field worshiping for a week!!!

AHHHH!!!!

Love you! 

So this past month, I have been attacked by the spirit of fear. This has been a major issue that has resulted in many late night feedback sessions with my team (the one last night lasted till 2 am) and TONS of tears. A lot of the time I have felt like the weak kid on my team because I'm the one who always has the problem, is always crying, or always overcoming something. The past two months of my life has been a serious rollercoaster of emotions and change. It's hard sometimes to even think back to where I have come from but it's also a good thing to look how much God has changed me!

Some things I have been really struggling with this past month are support raising in general. Letting go and giving it to God has been a major part of that as well. Just when I think I give everything to god, I'm reminded that I could give more... It's been a really hard process for me. It's been a road full of tears, worry, sadness, failure, letting go, dying to myself, and realizing that there is NOTHING I can do and only GOD can accomplish this whole money thing. I'm sick of fighting this battle on my own. I honestly feel okay with whatever God has in store for me. It would be super hard to leave my world race family because they have become my entire support group and teach me new things every single day... I'm worried that if I go home before I'm ready, I will end up selling out and throwing away everything I have learned. That terrifies me! But I'm not stressing over it anymore. I'm giving this huge burden to god so I can live in the moment.

It seems like recently I have been so torn down by finances that I haven't been able to rejoice in the things that God has shown me and given me these past two months. Fact is, I will be attacked hardcore when I go back home (No matter if that's at the end of Sep or at the end of 11 months in June)... We have been doing some crazy amazing things for God and Satan will try and break me down as best as he knows how. By noticing this ahead of time, I'm not letting him win in that. I'm ready to fight. Fact is, I will never fit in where I used to because that season is over. I can't have it back and I might as well start rejoicing in this season because HELLO IT'S AMAZING! I'm not sure how my conversations will honestly go with my friends when I get back or what we will have in common now but I'm happy that God has blessed me in this season that I'm in and I trust him to guide my steps. But I do know it will be hard to care about things like shoes, dresses (that are WAY too expensive), clothes, boys, and nails now when I have seen what I have seen... And no matter how much I talk about it, I can never truly explain what I have seen or been thru that my friends back home have NO IDEA ABOUT... So, here are some things I'm rejoicing in about the past 2 months!!!

I've been on a scary bus ride while trying to cross the DR/ Hatian border the first time when we were late and they shouldn't have let us thru, but by the grace of God, they did.

As soon as we got to our mission site, I couldn't wait to play with the naked hatian babies that lived in tent houses made of sticks, and as I smiled out the window, a little boy walked up to our bus, asked me my name, and we started playing ball... His name was Jenison and I fell in love with him to the point where I even wrote a song about him. Silly "Go kid" =)

I have survived tropical storms, my tent flooding, getting attacked by bugs and ANTS, and not caring.

I realized that rain was just another way to get clean and it really makes worship an amazing experience!

I got blessed and cussed out by a voodoo priest. (CRAZY)

I witnessed a protest, a funeral, and a wedding in Haiti.

I got to swim in the ocean every day at our house in Haiti most of the time with my work clothes still on... And then there was this one time... well... never mind. (Some things I will just keep to myself) ;p

I swam one night with a sea of jelly fish and didn't get stung... It was also storming and beautiful. I felt like I was in avatar because when I moved, the water would light up.

I got to pray for a 100 year old woman....Pretty awesome experience.

Shooting stars, sunsets, and rainbows became my lullaby to fall asleep to every night in Haiti.

I RAN UP A MOUNTAIN that at first made me puke trying to even walk up it. WOOHOO!!!

I met an amazing girl named Kaiko who had rescued a lady left by her group in the Port Au Prince Airport.

I got to help build HOMES! Shelters for people who are now living in them, sharing them with their families, and break bread there... Pretty awesome!

I prayed for a demon possessed woman.

I preached in a church in the DR.

I have enjoyed a beer and a cigar on the roof of a Dominican house.

I GOT DREADS!

I've been challenged every day I've been on the race... And the outcome has always been VICTORY!

I've felt God's presence all around me from the time I wake up till the time I wake up again...

I now know what a TAP TAP is.

I've eaten goat balls, salami fushia burgers, the best milk and ice cream in the world, pizza made with ketchup, and TONS of rice and beans.

I've realized I have a weak stomach.

I spoke in tongues the first time.

And I've had the time of my life diving into the word of God like never before. I can even quote scripture now! CRAZY! =)

Anyway, please pray that God would give me peace on everything else and just let me focus on TODAY because that's honestly all I can handle right now. PS, if you read this... COMMENT IT! Even just sign your name! I'm always excited by people reading my blogs. =) so don't be shy!

One Love.

 

 

So I have some VERY IMPORTANT NEWS....

I received an email today to tell me that not only do I need my account to be up to $6000 by Sep 13th, but if I don't have my account up to 8000 by the end of September, I will be sent home from the race.

Please consider donating to me by clicking the support me button on the left side of the screen because every little bit counts. And I'm sick of worrying about funds... I know that I can NOT raise this money by myself and I have done what I know to do.... I lack 4000 dollars to make the 8000 dollar deadline.... Now it's up to God so I'm giving my support account to him. 

Please continue to pray about this for me and my team and also for our travel day coming up this Sat since we are heading to Ireland for the awakening! 

Love,

Britt 

So it's come to my attention that I know very little about God. Every time I think I have God figured out, I'm humbled to my knees. Last night I got the privilege of preaching at our ministry contact's church. It's a small church surrounded by the noise and and business of the craziness that is simply just outside. It's a light in the darkness of the community.  Men and women sit on opposite sides of the church. The sound equipment is a bit on the ghetto side and when you speak into the microphone, you pray that it won't crack and hurt peoples ears. But you have to be loud to block out the sounds of the blaring music from all the parties and bars around. The doors are always opened so as you stand in front of the congregation to preach, you can literally see girls wearing pretty much nothing making out with guys right outside the church. It's deff a different kind of experience.

This month has been a rough one for me personally. Every time I walked outside I was thrown into a whirlwind of open wounds and things I thought were really healed but I found out my wounds were simply scabbed over... This month has been all about cutting the wound open and getting the infection out to let healing come into the core of my wounds. We walk around what seems to be 50 miles a day but in all reality it is around 8. But by the time we would go from our house to our mission contact's church to do VBS, I was already torn down and feeling icky. I have found that our house and the church are the only 2 safe spiritual places here. As soon as I left either place, I was spiritually attacked. Having guys say really bad sexual things, telling you they want to *&#$ you and get a visa all while hissing at you all the time def makes you rethink your worth in Christ and how beautiful you are. It makes you question every good thing you have just realized about yourself. It's been rough. The Dominican Republic is in SERIOUS NEED for hope, healing, answers, and GOD.

I got to share my story and speak life over the people of the church as only I could... Bluntly.

Another thing I have realized this month is I don't have to change that "In your face" aspect that if you know me, you know I have... Fact is, God made me that way for a reason. I'm not here to sugar coat anything... I'm only hear to be honest to my heart and feelings. That's all I know how to do.

 So as I started talking about finding Justin at the age of 17, planning on getting married, rape, pregnancy, losing the baby, and calling off the wedding I said the words, "When I was 17, I met a boy." And one of the girls just shouts out "GLORIA JESUS!!!" I was so frustrated because I know that is the main thing they care about. Women here think the main goal is to find a man, and then maybe if there is any room left, seek God. But since being on the race, I have been healed from that because I used to think the exact same way. I swear, the "NEED" to have a boyfriend is almost like a virus. It's awful, beats you up, makes you feel like crap, and it spreads like a wildfire.

I yelled back at the girl telling her that was exactly what I was speaking against! I told them it didn't matter how many boyfriends they had, what kind of car or moto they had, how "hot" they were... The only thing that mattered is feeling beautiful in Christ!

The main thing the people at that church needed to hear was how beautiful and important they were! And by me being the person to share that with them, it felt AMAZING! And it was also a healing process for me as well! It was proof that I don't just talk the talk but I walk the walk as well! PRAISE GOD!

I also tried to encourage the men of the church to step up and be an example to the women. There are 5 times more women in that church then men. I told them it was their job as Godly men to encourage and lift up their sisters in Christ and be an example to other men. Because women can change their priorities and feelings all day but until the men change as well, nothing is going to get better.

For the first time I know what it's like to be truly supported by Godly men and surrounded by them. That's what the world race has done for me so far. There has been a lot of healing involved in this discovery and it hasn't been a smooth ride by any means, but now that I know there are Godly brothers out there who simply love you because you share a love for Christ, I am happy. I plan on spreading that knowledge to the world now.  Thank you Jesus for blessing me with Godly brothers who love me just because... and thank you God for loving me so much that I don't even understand it.

At training camp, after a day of challenging exercises and women building skills, all the girls got to be exposed to what we call "DECLARATIONS"! It's where we stand on the tallest piece of furnature or whatever we can find and scream truths over ourselves. It might sound silly but it TOTALLY works! We actually loved it so much that we shared it with the boys and our squad wrote our own declarations to speak over ourselves! But if you're a woman struggling with your self worth... Try it out.... Go stand on your couch, kitchen cabinet, or whatever you would like and say these words as loud as you can!

I AM A MIGHTY WOMAN OF GOD!

I AM BEAUTIFUL!

I AM BEAUTIFUL!

I AM BEAUTIFUL!

I AM A PRINCESS OF THE KING!

I HAVE AUTHORITY IN HEAVEN AND ON EARTH!

MY FATHER IS JEALOUS FOR ME!

I AM BEAUTIFUL!!!

(you can say whatever you would like but those are just a few of my favs!)

Be blessed and know that you are loved!!! ,

Britt